His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
