No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize