Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
