The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize