Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
