"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
