I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
