WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My pussy is not your playground.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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