how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
