i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
