woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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