I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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