cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize