no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Panties = found
Randomize
