At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
