It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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