He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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