real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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