The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize