guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
