3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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