LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
