Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
