I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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