Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
