Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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