My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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