i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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