Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
