I want to walk on stilts...naked
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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