census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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