im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
