I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize