What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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