oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
