your thong is hanging out like whoa
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
