4 words: hood of his car
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
