True but thats because hes a fetus.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
