I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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