I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
