i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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