Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
