i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
