Christians are straight up FREAKS
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
