i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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