I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
