going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
