its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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