i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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