My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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