how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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