Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can you repeat that, but with context?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
