Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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