Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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