bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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