I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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