That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
