i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
