I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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