he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
