What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
