i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize