i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
