i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
