All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
