turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
