Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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