we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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