he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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