I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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