It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize