get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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