Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
