You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
