What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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