I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
