I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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