Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
