Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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