The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
