Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize