If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
