i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
