she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
