my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Watching her eat just hurts me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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