I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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