thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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