Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
