alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i think my cat just said my name.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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