I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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