They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize