There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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