So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
