so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
