Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
