Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
someone owes me an orgasm
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
