At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
