you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this just has baby written all over it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
