It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
