we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize