peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
