She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
