I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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