i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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