the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Shame - the story of my life.
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