There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
