On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We named our party play list daddy issues
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize